Saturday, November 23, 2013

Things (And People!) on Facebook That We All Silently Hate

Facebook, obviously, has it's pros. We can keep in touch with friends and family from a distance, play games (even with people on your friends list joining you), stalking people without being caught (we all probably did this at least once...looking up that old ex-boyfriend/girlfriend that we still hate with a passion, just to see if their life is miserable or suffering in any way...), follow our favorite celebrities and their events, keeping updated, socially, by friends and family, letting others know "what's on your mind" and what you are up to, etc...

I can go on and on about the many positives!

We must admit, though...Despite all that great stuff we associate with on Facebook, there is also just about the same amount of stupid crap we despise about it! So, I made this blog post about everything we all hate about Facebook.

We all use Facebook as a method of procrastination sometime throughout the day.

If you actually think about it, there's really nothing actually productive within Facebook, anyway. We get on it, when there's always something more productive we could be doing instead, no matter what it is. 

But, what I'm saying is that there are people who stay on it for hours on end, caught in the vicious "I'll-be-off-in-a-sec" cycle (including me!). Every time they try to get off, something 10 times more interesting than what they were already looking at pops up, and then they'll say, "Ok, after this! Then, I'll get started on the laundry...".

 Then, guess what happens? Yup! Another stupid-but-interesting thing pops up and we repeat the same statement and process all over again. Sometimes, the only way to get off, is to lose track of time, look out the window and realize it's dark out, and be like, "Dammit! I just wasted my whole day! Guess, it's time for bed now! I'll just do the laundry tomorrow...". 

If this were to get any worse, the same thing happens the next day, resulting in consistent, repetitive procrastination...

Why must people think we would be ok with them sending us a million game invites to the same f*cking game?

That should be considered the same as asking someone, in person, if they want to play Monopoly with them. We say "No", but then they ask again, again, again...*10 minutes later*...AGAIN...
OR...just like sending us a million letters in the mail, asking us to RSVP to their child's birthday party! 

No one does that if real life, so why do they think it's okay to do it on the internet?

It also causes us extreme disappointment, because each invite gives us a Facebook notification. We first think that someone liked your status, commented on something, or you know, anything interesting... But no! It's just a game invite, inviting you to a game you honestly don't give two shits about and would not even ever play in real life.

The couple that gets into a simple argument, gets mad at each other, and changes their relationship status to "Single" in an instant. Before you know it, an hour later, they get over it, and change their status back to "In a Relationship".

After posting many statuses about how evil and how much they hate the other during their 1-hour break-up period, they make up, then proceed to post a billion statuses about how much they love the other and mushy crap like that.

Most of the people that I see who does this are the teenie-boppers on my Facebook. The ones who still have "puppy-love" relationships, and only date people for a few weeks at a time. 

There's even some that date someone for THREE days, break up, and end up crying all over everybody's newsfeeds about how badly they just can't live without that person, and that life has lost it's meaning because of it. 

I even see 12 year olds do this! Aren't they too young to be dating?! Shouldn't they be watching Spongebob, or having sleepovers or something? Are they even "mature" enough yet to truly fall in love to experience real heartbreak???!

I wish kids didn't want to grow up so fast and try to act like they're adults while they are still just kids. I think all of us, as kids, wanted to be an adult and have our freedom. But now, I wish I could go back and take time to enjoy my childhood, not try to rush through it.

 Days were good and simple as a kid. Maybe kids these days just don't realize how complex it is to be an adult, and aren't looking further into detail about it. :(

~Moving on!~

We all wish that we didn't "like" so many pages on Facebook back when we first started one. 

It gets to be too much..., to the point where every 5th post on your newsfeed is actually by a friend, but every post in between is some stupid advertising post from a TV show or business that you liked from back in 2007. 

If we don't like commercial breaks, then why do these pages think we want to see their advertisements? 

But hey, I guess we put that on ourselves right? Nobody held us hostage and pointed a gun to our heads threatening us to "like/follow" their page!

Facebook asks for too much information!

My personal facebook keeps prompting me to add my address, phone number, work address and employment history, etc. Some of these I never put in, but it keeps asking me to do it way too much. As if your computer will blow up if you don't! 

I'm sorry. I just don't feel like being stalked and possibly killed by some creeper who found out where I was through my Facebook...

What really sucks, is that some devices, such as Apple and it's apps, won't work to their full extent without forcing you to connect to your Facebook with it to access your personal information! 

*Did you even know that some online applications for employment prompt you to link your Facebook account to your application? 

Like I want to ruin my chances of getting hired because of the employer seeing my status on Facebook complaining about taking a sharp, painful shit that morning or seeing that embarrassing picture that my friend posted of me passed out drunk on the bathroom floor? Geez.

The people who make every status of theirs as lyrics to a song.
Yeah, nothing else, just lyrics. And 70% of the time, it's lyrics to a song nobody's even heard of. 

If we wanted to hear a song or music, we would just play it ourselves!
But, I will admit...I'm actually guilty of this one, too. Don't lie! You've probably also done it!

This is mostly on Instagram, but it happens too much on Facebook, too: Girls who post a pointless picture of an object or food dish they were currently associating with. 

I've seen pictures of Starbucks coffee cups, sunglasses, a dish from Red Lobster (or even their own gross dish from their attempt of cooking at home), shoes, a picture of their friend on the toilet with her pants down to her ankles (not an object, but yeah, seen it...a bunch of times, unfortunately), girls standing in a circle and it's just a picture of their feet in that circle-shape, a picture of the word "Love" written in chalk or marker in a random spot/place, etc...

Are they trying to be..."artistic"?
So basically, I can take a picture of ANYTHING in my house, even a roll of toilet paper, and be "artist"? :D

I don't know if you guys seen this yet, because it's not too, too common, but on my newsfeed, it is. Maybe my "friends" are just f*cked up...

Guys who take a picture of the most enormous, disgusting, repulsive dump they've ever projected out of their nasty bodies and POST IT on Facebook.

 They even put captions on the picture:
"Isn't she a beauty?" 
"My biggest prize, yet!" 
And some even hold the massive shit they gave birth to in their hand to give you a better comparison of its size.

This one's for the girls: 

That random guy, who you don't know AT ALL, that keeps messaging you the same message every 5-10 days desperately trying to get your attention. That message typically consists of just one or two words such as: 
"wats up."

Some of us even get more than one guy that does this shit. You know what we do? We ignore it. That is, until it gets to the point where we get so irritated by it (since it's like someone standing there constantly poking you in the shoulder), that we end up replying back one hell of a nasty message that basically threatens a brutal, bloody, thoroughly planned, clever murder if they don't shut the f*ck up. 

These guys are very repetitive, consistent, and never get the damn point that we don't want to talk to them.

**This is a REAL screenshot of my own inbox from MY own facebook! Think I was joking??!!**

When you message a friend, but they never reply back to you, even if it was a question...and then you realize it says at the bottom of your message "Seen at 6:15pm" (meaning, duh of course, that they read it), which ends up pissing you off even more.

Now, I'll admit, I'm guilty of doing this to people, but! I'm smart enough to not even open up the message in the first place so it never signifies that I've read their message (because I didn't). That way, it doesn't piss them off too bad, it just looks like I didn't get around to it yet. I do this because I either don't feel like talking to that person, or because I know that once I do, it'll turn into the never ending conversation where they will never stop replying back. 

Call me Satan, but, at least I'm being honest...right?

As soon as you get comfortable and used to the latest Facebook website update, the Facebook crew comes out with yet, ANOTHER update. And usually that update is changing way too much at one time, throwing off the whole F.B. community, pissing off everybody all at once!

You can NOT say you don't know what I am talking about! The FACEBOOK TIMELINE thing is one hell of an example!

Do you remember when they literally had to FORCE everybody to convert over to it? I held on to my original Facebook set-up with dear life for the longest time...before they snuck up behind my back and just updated it for me without me knowing

Yes, they do shit like that...

And usually when there's a new update, it changes ALL your settings back to default!
So without you KNOWING, until you go to your settings and realize it manually, your privacy settings are back to "PUBLIC" viewing instead of the "JUST FRIENDS"/PRIVATE viewing setting you had it on. 
So EVERYTHING on or about your profile was COMPLETELY visible to the entire universe to see for the amount of time it took you to realize it.
Personally, I check my settings every now and then because of that bullcrap to make sure everything is right. Isn't that ridiculous, though?!

People who get on someone else's account, and update a status for them saying, "Haha, you just got HACKED by your BFF!"...

F.Y.I., getting on someone else's account just because they accidentally forgot to log out on that same computer/device, DOES NOT MEAN YOU SO-CALLED "HACKED" THEIR ACCOUNT

You didn't break any technical codes, or decoded his/her password, or whatnot. You're not a genius of computer software, or most likely acquired ANY advanced-level computer knowledge what-so-ever, so SHUT THE F*CK UP, because nobody really cares...


Alright, last one for now, for this post!

We all hate those "Facebook THUGS". 
Don't know what a "Facebook thug" is?
I love Urban Dictionary. So here's the definition of "Facebook Thug" I found from there: 

*Facebook Thug: 
-Someone who only talks a lot of shit on Facebook, but would not talk a lot of shit to your face. 

Here's the link to Urban Dictionary:

Now, let me give you an example. Someone who is really pissed off at someone would put as their status on Facebook something like:

"Jenny, you're a fat f*cking whore, slut, bitch...I'm going to beat your ass when I see you! SKANK!"
*Except you would probably see a lot of grammatical errors in that status instead, since most who post these aren't intelligent enough to spell and punctuate accurately.*

And honestly, they would never say anything REMOTELY close to what they actually wrote to that exact person in real life, to their actual physical being...

And sadly, most of the time they are "ballsy" enough to post that on Facebook just because that other person isn't on their friend list, so they can't see the status AT ALL. 

So, going from my example, Jenny doesn't know that she's even being threatened. (Unless...a friend of hers can see it and would tell her about it.)

People like that seriously disgust me. Especially the ones who talk behind someone's back, but act completely different to the person when they face them. 

Also, their Facebook audience probably don't appreciate the retarded drama like that on their newsfeeds. It's annoying.


Anyway, I'm pretty sure that there is going to be a "Part II" to this blog post! :) So, keep an eye out for it! <3

- Markie ;) 

...and my "every-blog-post-gets-an-extra-funny" ritual:

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