Friday, November 22, 2013

25 Things That Men Think Women Don't Do

I love how most of the female gender represents gracefulness, nurture, care, love, beauty, etc. We are also expected to live by certain standards, to the point where people get utterly shocked if we do something "out-of-line", unexpectedly, of what they thought we never did, especially men.

Well, here's a surprise, fellas! Let me speak for most women here...

Here's MY list of 25 things I know most women do, but men think we don't. ;)

1) The most questionable one yet by the other gender...
YES, we DO fart, and they can be pretty deadly...
Actually, I honestly think we fart worse and more brutally than men do! We just have a better tendency to hide it. I'm not talking about little squeaks slipping out between two humps of fat, guys. I'm talking about a motherf*cking hurricane hitting an umbrella stand! Which brings me to the next one...

2) Our farts DO stink! Perhaps worse than yours! Don't let me even get started on pregnancy farts! When your woman is craving all that weird food, like pickles covered in pudding with coffee on the betcha those food ghosts of air coming out later is going to smell just like that! Maybe even worse!

3) When we sneeze, we only do that cute little "achoo" if we have to in front of you. We do everything we can, painfully, to hold back our sneezes. But, behind closed doors, alone, if we got one coming, we let it out full force! Loud, wet, sloppy, snot-everywhere! No holding back!

4) I bet every woman looks into the tissue she just blew her nose in, just to see how much snot came out. You men do it too.

5) We have little panic-attacks at points through our menstrual cycle thinking we got the tampon stuck and can't get it out.

6) If hair falls out of our heads in the shower, we neatly put it on the shower wall to not clog the drain with our hair, then, throw it out when we're done. Some even draw swirlies with it on the wall, too.

7) I see most girls deny this, but yes, we masturbate too. I betcha all did at least once to porn, also.

8) We find weird amusement in the act of popping our own zits in the mirror.

9) 99% of us all tried to pee standing up.

10) Sometimes when we're watching TV, or whatnot, we put our hands on our crotch, too. It's just warm like that.

11) Punching us straight, head-on in the boob hurts like hell. I guess we have some sensitivity there. It's a good way to get yourself hurt, too.

12) Sneezing on our period sucks. Afterwards, 80% of the time from sneezes, we check to see if we sprung a leak from it.

13) We are not embarrassed to ask other women to check us for "leaks", also. 

14) Most of us like to chill naked around the house just as much as guys do. It's the "freedom"-type of feeling, I guess.

15) We all wondered what it would be like to have a penis at one point and imagined it. We'd probably end up doing the "helicopter" swing and trying to hang stuff on it all day.

16) A good majority of us actually enjoy doing "men" activities, like football, video games, riding dirt bikes, etc...

17) We tilt to the side if we are sitting on a hard surface to let a fart out, just so it won't go up the cooter.

18) We all played with our own boobies at one point. Most still do every now and then.

19) We hate our own nipples, except for when we first step into the shower, the change in temperature actually makes them look "normal" for once. Some even go as far as flicking them to get them to look better!

20) 96% of us will not bother shaving in the wintertime! It's almost pointless to, since we won't be wearing shorts or anything bearing our legs. Some even try to go all winter without shaving once, just to see how long our leg-hair gets by spring time!

21) We will also, occasionally, shave our "toe-hair". Yes, we have toe-hair, but it's barely visible, like peach fuzz, but it's still enough to drive us crazy at some points.

22) Behind closed doors, you better bet your ass we violently tear into our plate of sloppy, saucy wings and make a huge mess of ourselves! This also applies to spaghetti and most pastas, pizza, anything! But if we're around anybody, or in public, (except for our closest friends, they don't mind cuz they do it too), we make sure we take every little bite perfectly with etiquette!

23) We make our best friends do the grossest stuff for us to help us out. For example, we'll get the other to literally stick her face in our armpit to check if we smell. She'll sometimes even give you the most accurate description of the smell too.

24) Men's clothing is the most comfortable things to wear, including boxers! We love it!

25) If we lost the remote to the tv, but already sat down and got comfortable...we will just sit there and continue watching what's on that we didn't want to watch in the first place, just because we are too lazy to get up to get the remote.

-Markie ;)

...and another funny for this post! I'll just keep it related...

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